A Rant for May 17th

A Rant for May 17th

I’ve often times asked myself why I got the life I got. I often disregard the good and focus on the bad and I don’t know why. But I do. I wonder why I don’t have two parents who love me and I look the whole families of my friends and wonder why that isn’t me. I told myself it wouldn’t even matter if they were together, it would just matter to have both the people who made me love me. But such is not the case. I have often times looked past the privilege to be able to have no rules and be treated as an adult and categorized it as a burden. I don’t want to go to the grocery store, get a SMOG check, go to the bank, make returns, or pick up prescriptions. I have always wished that my mom would do that for me and be the one in charge of my life, give me some structure. But she doesn’t have an interest in doing those types of things, so nobody is going to do any of that if I don’t. “You can’t rely on others”, she said, but I thought I was supposed to be able to rely on you. I am trying to focus on school and my future, but you don’t seem to care about what I want. You have a picture of how things will be and don’t care at all how I get there because “that’s up to me”. The other parents came to the college nights, make their children do their homework, and ensure they receive the best SAT scores, but you don’t even care about any of that. Instead, you want me to do a million things I do not believe are priorities or important. I have always thought that parents are supposed to take care of their children, not the other way around. But I have realized that this is your way of showing care, the thing where you let me do whatever the hell I want. It’s your way of saying I trust you and believe in you. Sure, it would be nice to have a push every now and then. But that’s not the way it is and I’m trying to accept it.

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