Personal Thoughts 2/27/16

Personal Thoughts 2/27/16

Everyday I wake up, just like everyone else. I have a few different day layouts I usually repeat; most of the time I wake up, make oatmeal, prepare food for later, get dressed, organize my bag, go to school, go to school dance, go to studio dance or pilates, go home, do homework, procrastinate, do more homework, stretch/roll out my muscles, take a shower, and then I go to bed. What people don’t include in their daily routines is time to simply think. I enjoy putting on classical music, sitting atop my bed sheets, and just thinking. Sometimes, I find that I have so many feelings inside me that talking to a human-being somehow helps way more than just thinking does. This is hard for me. Mostly the thoughts, but also the part where I feel the need to talk to somebody. I don’t like letting people into my personal life. Too many bad experiences have came from giving people too much personal information, so I rarely do so anymore. I’ve done some contradictory thinking to my normal pondering and I figured why not try something new on this outlet I have the privilege of typing out my thoughts on. I applied to go on a school trip to Ecuador and I got in. My mom and I figured getting a passport would be fine because we thought my mom had full legal and physical custody of me. We were mistaken. The documents and information we had believed in for many years was false. No record of its existence. Since there is no proof my mother has full custody of me, my passport was denied. But the problem goes beyond that. This means my father could come into my life, which my mom and I have worked to change, and ruin it once again. After writing that last sentence and reading it a few times, I am now crying. Emotions just strike me hard. When my father was in my life, it was a bad situation (as far as I will elaborate). The lawyers who made the mistake are taking no responsibilities for their actions, which is just ridiculous. If my father knew about this, the lawyers could easily become the reason my life spiraled out of control again. It’s not just me who can’t handle him, its my mom too. She gets very tense and stressed, which we all do- but then her stress makes mine double. My mom and I are currently working on getting a passport. I have done very well hiding my life from my father, but everything about me will be sent to him when he is notified that I am trying to get a passport. I want badly for someone to hug me and tell it will be okay, but I would never tell this story in person because I would surely began to cry (So don’t even think about giving me a heartfelt hug because you read this). At the end of writing that rant I thought “flex and point”, because no matter what, I need to keep going. Wish me luck…


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